us ©Kate Izor
smother (short)
Innate gratitude and pure joy sanctify good motherhood. For some the consumption is cushioned by sweet coos and newborn baby smell. Devotion is upheld by self-sacrifice – “She’s a natural.” For others the doctrine of “good” motherhood smothers new parents with ideals, ousting the realities of depression, isolation and despondency. This work grapples with new motherhood, postpartum mythology, and the struggle for self-compassion. It’s an attempt to normalize and destigmatize postpartum depression.
smother (long)
Innate gratitude and pure joy sanctify good motherhood. For some the consumption is cushioned by sweet coos and newborn baby smell. Devotion is upheld by self-sacrifice, “She’s a natural.” For others the doctrine of “good” motherhood smothers new parents with ideals, leaving no space for the realities of depression, isolation and despondency.
Time is long. The post-surgery scurry, football size baby in hand, off to grab a nursing pillow (breast is best!) when a ray of sunshine exposes the Milky Way of dust encasing the entryway. It soon passes but the shadow of self scrutiny remains. Cries alarm, milk dribbles. Hours are endless. Work and homelife norms transform into unscalable mountains of grief. Identity, ideals and confidence disintegrate. Shame and guilt settle alongside thoughts of “What have I done?”
I watch the light shift subtly throughout the days, months, year. I have no right to be unhappy. Is it the hormones? When will this end? Will it end? How long has it been this way? Why can’t I do it all, or any of it? What kind of feminist have I become? Can she feel my misery? I don’t have the right feelings, the right reaction. I am a certain kind of terrible mother.
1 in 8 women experience some form of postpartum depression in the first year after childbirth. Unbeknownst to me, I was one of them. Perceived failures were magnified and obscured by both hormones and traditional values of new motherhood. I still contend with society’s (and my own) notions of what it means to be a good mother. This work grapples with new motherhood, postpartum mythology, and the struggle for self-compassion. It’s an attempt to destigmatize postpartum depression by sharing my experience as a new parent.
Bio
Kate Izor’s professional experience ranges from studio managing for Bruce Davidson, Photography Program Director at Maine Media Workshops + College, Director of Photography at NYC startup Maple, to her current position as the full-time photographer for Pink Floyd’s Roger Waters. In her personal work, Izor’s camera captures what we don’t see, at times hope for, and at times would rather ignore than be faced with- answering questions of identity and social integration. Kate lives in Brooklyn, NY.
Contact Info
Kate Izor
+1 802-598-4925 kate@katezior.com www.kateizor.com
